Catching Up – 5.3.15

These are photos that I hate to revisit. But I feel like this is the easiest way to “catch up” on the four months of time that shook up reality. Life looks a lot different without Ben, our big goof ball and compliant second-born. Jack’s twin.

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It started with headaches at the end of January 2014. Out of nowhere. And then he’d throw up. A tumor was identified. Surgery was scheduled. They removed what they could, but had to leave the rest as it would jeopardize the time he may have left.

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Wrestling after surgery was much more gentle, as Ben didn’t have the stamina he did a few weeks earlier. But we were still so thrilled every time he jumped onto the pile, yelling, “Twin Power!”

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Holding my second born – my shadow – for as long as he’ll let me.

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Jack looking over Ben’s scars from his surgery a few weeks prior.

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He acted annoyed that Megan always wanted to hold his hand. And yet, he always waited for her to catch up and grab his. Always a protector.

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Announcing Baby #4! Ben was the first to guess it was a girl. And although his first silly suggestion was the name “Megamind,” he did approve of our thought to name her Katherine.

 

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As time wore on, even wrestling was emotional. We just never knew when it was going to be the last.

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After a while, Ben couldn’t sit up. Or walk. He had to be carried to the bathroom, held on the toilet and then even had to have a catheder. Stupid cancer. But he did love bubbles. And silly string. And of course, we always let him do them IN the house!

 

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It will never be okay that we had to bury our son. Never. But knowing that he’s with Jesus and that we will see him again soon definitely helps. Another day closer.

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This. This is Benjamin. Not the previous photos you saw. What you saw was cancer. The steroids that helped keep the swelling around the tumor down. That was not Ben. This is how I picture Ben in heaven. Running, smiling and radiating God’s love all over that beautiful dimpled face.

One comment

  1. Jen says:

    I have been following your story since March 2014. These pictures always bring tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat as well as a smile. I can’t help but smile whenever I see Ben’s sweet dimply face! He radiates so much joy & love of life! Your sweet children, especially Ben will be forever etched in my heart. “THANK YOU!!” does not begin to express my gratitude to you for sharing a precious, tender time of your life with so many. You have continued to Glorify God through this journey and in doing so you have blessed countless people including me! You have given me a greater appreciation for my own 7 boys. You are a true BLESSING Mindy Sauer!

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